[bazzap]

I like this one from Cricinfo



I Miss Incompetent England. Do You?




These short reveries and musings from our ace team of writers and correspondents are a celebration of the things that make the World Cup worth watching, dreaming of and reading about.


By Andrew Fidel Fernando June 11:




Forgive me if I'm getting a little emotional, but there was a time when representing England at the World Cup used to mean something. A time when England transcended the tournament they were playing in and stood for the good of the game at large, not merely their own narrow interests.


I'm talking about England's long tradition of arriving at the tournament full of confidence, only to crash out in wonderfully comic fashion, filling a billion hearts around the world with joy.


For 20 years, they were resplendent. Who can forget poor old Richard Illingworth in 1996, getting splatted for four fours in a row by Sanath Jayasuriya, who won that quarter-final for Sri Lanka without batting even 13 overs? What about 1999, when England rolled up to their home tournament, got decked by South Africa and India, and was knocked out before the World Cup song had even been released? This was high art - the kind of comedy that makes you want to kiss your fingers and gesture in the way of an Italian chef.


Across the years, there have been upturned pedalos, batting orders that collapsed like circus tents, opening bowlers who were shamed repeatedly through the covers, non-spinning spinners who were shunned disdainfully over midwicket, and captains who wore long, morose looks during long, morose stints in the field. The post-mortems that followed each loss were glorious. While England coaches were put through brutal press interrogations, and the English media dealt in industrial quantities of flagellation and fatalism, the rest of the world looked on with the corners of our mouths twitching, our eyes filling with tears, our bodies unable to contain eruptions of laughter.


Remember that game against New Zealand in the last World Cup? The one where England was monstered for 123 all out, before having that score chased down in 12.2 overs? Or the quarter-final from the previous World Cup, when, having moused their way to 229 for 6 in Colombo, they were convinced they had enough on the board to win? Sri Lanka's openers were so all over the chase that at one point Tillakaratne Dilshan apologised to his opening partner Upul Tharanga for hitting a four because there were only so many runs left and Tharanga hadn't made his century yet.


As the 2019 World Cup hits its straps, there are few losses more keenly felt than the absence of an incompetent England. They are not only no longer risible, but they are also one of the teams to beat, putting up gargantuan scores, driving forward the game's evolution. They have gone from being Ewoks to the Death Star in the space of four years.


Perhaps another team will fill that breach. But much as Sri Lanka are trying, it's not the same. There is a slapstick wonder about them, yes, but they have never commanded anything like the resources at the ECB's disposal, nor does their media quite do hand-wringing in the same way, so the joke is incomplete.


Much as we celebrate the batting frontiers this England team may open up, let us take a moment to reflect on what we have lost: the World Cup's most consistently comic presence.

[Frankie]

I thought the best World Cup defeat was when the Ozzies lost to Bangladesh about 10 years ago. Bangladesh aren't too shabby now, but back then they were on about the same cricketing ability level as Alaska are now.

[bazzap]

Originally Posted by Frankie

I thought the best World Cup defeat was when the Ozzies lost to Bangladesh about 10 years ago. Bangladesh aren't too shabby now, but back then they were on about the same cricketing ability level as Alaska are now.

Probably our most inglorious moment in ODIs. June 18th 2005. It was not a World Cup match though. It was part of a 3-way series that included England, Bangladesh & Australia. Near full strength Australian side. Andrew Symonds was missing due to having a big night on the booze the night before. Typical Queenslander












Probably a bigger shock to us was that we lost the Ashes a couple of months later. The first time we had lost an Ashes series on English soil since 1985. Haven't won an Ashes series in England since then either.









And here's another doozy


Losing to the Netherlands in 1964.









At least we lost to the Dutch only the once. I wonder how many times the Poms have lost to them in cricket?? Not good reading for those from "the mother country"

[Frankie]

I stand corrected Baz, wrong competition. That Ashes series in 2005 was an absolute classic though. Must be one of the best ever. It was the most viewed programme on UK television that year, the publics interest in cricket was at a new high.

So what do the ECB do? Sell out to Sky. So cricket goes from Free to View to subscription. The new found cricket fans aren't willing to go as far as Pay to View. Nowadays the ECB bemoan the general lack of interest in cricket, apart from the hardcore fans. Yet they had the public in their grasp in 2005 and then were wholly responsible for letting them go. Another set of useless money grabbing bastards.

New cricket competition starting next year in England called "The 100". Unsurprisingly its franchised and the ECB have changed their mind that many times over the format that I have given up trying to understand what it will involve. But basically it seems 8 new city based teams will be involved in a 100 balls per side completion. So all the T20 mercenaries will be rubbing their hands. BUT some or all of The 100 will be on Free to View to try and regenerate the publics interest in cricket again. Basically the ECB have to set up a new competition, completely messing up County Cricket in the process, to rectify their original cock up.

[Frankie]

Fuckin England.

[ferocious]

Originally Posted by Frankie

Fuckin England.

Took them 20 overs the other day to realise they were bowling the wrong length

[Frankie]

Originally Posted by ferocious

Took them 20 overs the other day to realise they were bowling the wrong length

When I was watching some of the earlier games I was unimpressed with Pakistan. Some skilled cricketers but overall as a group their unfit and the fieldings pretty mediocre. Sri Lanka same same but far worse. Losing to Pakistan was bad but to Sri Lanka was totally unacceptable.

England have gone into this World Cup playing what they like to call "No Fear" cricket. Which seems to comprise of a premeditated game plan based on smashing the ball out the ground. Which is fine when it works but is disastrous when it fails. It seems everything is preplanned and when the wheels come off theres no Plan B. Theres no adapting to playing conditions or what other teams are doing. Just smash the ball out the ground and bowl to set lengths/fields. Thing is even the weaker nations have players who can do some damage and you have to be able to restrict them, but none of that seems to be taken into account.

I think England do/did have the talent to win this World Cup, its just the way they seem to approach each game in a reckless manner. Their struggling to even qualify for the final stages now and it's all self inflicted.

[ferocious]

Well plan A worked today
Play like that 3 more times we should win it

[bazzap]

Originally Posted by ferocious

Well plan A worked today
Play like that 3 more times we should win it

Hope so coz I am on your lads at nearly 5/1. Couldn't resist when I saw that price. It's gone now.













Hopefully Australia vs Poms in the final. I win a few bob if the Empire wins and get bragging rights if us Colonials are successful

[Frankie]

Originally Posted by ferocious

Well plan A worked today
Play like that 3 more times we should win it

I never doubted their ability and backed them all the way. In a manner of speaking.

Now got the to deal with.