To stop Johnson and any other Aussie quicks getting a head start we will make sure the Trent Bridge groundsman prepares the first few wickets. Using 500 year old Nottinghamshire Red Marl clay it will make the last Trent Bridge wicket look like the WACA in the 1970's.
Once they are shagged out and injured and on the big bird back to Oz decent tracks will then be prepared as the Ashes will be in the bag.
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