I am in a new (very new) relationship with a Thai girl. Professional (teacher) age 33. I have read the book Thailand Fever and there are many issues that concern me.

What I would really appreciate is if you are an American and you have been married to a Thai girl for 5-10 yrs living in Thailand would you please get in touch with me so I might have a discussion with you on some various subjects that give me some concern. Reading a book is good but information from someone that has been there and done that is the best.

You can of course reach me here but you can also write to me at hawk24@gmail.com

Thanks

Dj

DJ..........

Get some more time under your belt here in LOS before you even think about getting married my friend!

Make several more trips here to LOS and spend time with your special lady as YOU choose. I am not anti-marriage,
nor anti-relationship, and have not spent a lifetime here, but for every one relationship success there seems to be 10 failures.
You could probably say the same for relationships back in Farlang-Land, but there is a whole different set of rules here. Are you
ready to be stabbed in the middle of the night by your partner because she had a bad dream where you were boinking
someone else? Think I am joking.......... ask around if it happens! Despite what you may hear, Thai culture is a very violent
one, confrontation is often resolved with knives, guns, and flying ashtrays. And I won't even ask you if she has a "brother"
that visits her from time to time. (Just ask our fellow member Mirkwood about that one)

The most famous quote in LOS.......... "My girl is not like that, she is different!"

I do not think you need to limit your inquiries to just gents from America who have had relationships with the Thai ladies.
Any information at this point should be viewed as beneficial by you.

Hope all is well back in the Mother Land and you get back here soon. The gals at X-Zone were asking about you again
the other nite! You must have given that gal a good rooting for them to keep asking about you! YOU STALLION!!! :dointhebizz:

Hi Hawk,
I'm not going to give you a clever one line negative answer like most will do when people ask this question.

Right. Thai's and marriage.

My ex wife was a teacher in Bangkok and we stayed in England over 5 years so I'm probably not a bad bet for advice.

It's difficult writing about all those years in a few hundred words but here goes.

Thai ladies in Thailand are lovely.
It's very old fashioned. With no social security and government help ladies still need men. Most of them want a falang because of money. Simple.
It's not all one way either. For your money you get a sexy lady who wouldn't look at you in your own country. So I think it's a fair pay off.

There are more than a few snags with Thai/falang relationships mainly because both parties don't know how to play by the rules.

The following is only IMHO. Don't take it to heart. Just read and decide whats relevant to you.

Before you choose a lady to settle down with.......

1. Look at her family.

You might have found the best looking, best fuck, English speaking and clever girl in the whole of Thailand but............

Do not go any further until you have met her family.

Now lets not be silly here. Most girls us lot meet have poor families. What I'd call a good family only expect you to bung them a bit now and then. Yes, if you get married you're going to get kicked up the goolies with sinsot (dowry). We know and don't like that but it's reality.

You're not going to get away with paying f*** all but what I'd say is a decent Thai family/girl won't hit you too hard or often.

The clever girls learn not to go in strong and unless you've lived with or known your girl very well for a few years and let her get her feet under your table you won't know what you're dealing with.

A bad family will ruin your relationship. Simple. 100%.

People blame the girls for everything when they split up but from my experience 99.99999% of the time it will be family related.

As an example. My Thai wife was fairly happy in UK.
We had a nice house, new cars, good jobs and a son.
OK, she's not typical and everyones different but one day her family started on the jungle drums. Her sister and cousin had married Swiss men and were sending home loads of money buying land etc.

The wife started getting all discontented and next thing she's on about going to work in Zurich. To cut a long story short we split.
I am best friends with her now and we still go on holiday together for the sake of our boy. She's told me loads of times she was happy but she has a poor family behind her.

That's what I'm on about.

I met another girl a few years on. (Rose).
Got on fantastic. Probably my best ever relationship with TG. Non stop laugh ,sex and happy times. Loads of people knew us on here who I hope would back that up. Anyway, same story. One day the mum said ' David money not enough' and that was that.

Loads of tears from her but she did what was required and is now with some old fella who's paying out loads of dough.

Your girl doesn't sound like part of the P4P scene but again IMHO I wouldn't start thinking she's different unless her family are able to stand on their own feet. If that is the case you might have hit the jackpot.

2. Other TG's in your own country.

The number 2 biggest cause of trouble in your marriage will be other Thai's.
God knows why. You'd think they would all be nice to each other in the falang country but they aren't.

First question they will ask each other when they meet. ' How much does he give you'.

Your Missus might say this much and the other girl will always lie and say she gets more.
Result........Your missus will get twisted up and the other girl will be giving her bloke a hard time as well if she's getting less. :rantonoff:

They are bastards.

This competition thing I've seen in all TG's. Rich and poor. Of course I see the poor in Pattaya but I also see the richest TG's as well in Zurich. The above two things are killers for a relationship.

TG's have a do or die attitude as well. They live for today and do have the guts to walk away and start again. I've not met many that have had the sense to know they are on a good thing. So so many kill the golden goose. You only have to read the boards to understand Thai mentality.

How many girls go weeks without a customer then next bloke who wants to take them gets hit with double price. Same with hotels same with everything in LOS.

3. Money.

The root of all evil.
Even if you have dough your not safe. Loads of times I always thought that if I'd had more money I could have been happy with both my ex's. WRONG.

I'll give you an example. It's a true story.

I've got a mate who doesn't go on message boards.

He's about mid 50's. Fat and not terribly good looking but he's a nice fella with a heart of gold.

He got divorced from his English wife, split the house etc and still came away with a few quid. Bought himself a cracking house in a posh area near me.

Anyway, he starts going to LOS and within 2 trips he's met a girl and wants to marry her.

He paid a visa agent and got her back here, married her and thought he was sorted for life.

We went round to meet them and my Thai wife got on well with her. You know, sit on the floor eating hot grub etc.

Anyway, I was shocked to hear after only a year or so they were having serious problems in their relationship.

I asked Add (my ex wife) what was the matter?

She told me.

David (my mate) earns £4500 take home a month.

I said 'Yeah'.

Well Wan (his missus) thinks he's kineow.

Now I knew that Dave was bunging her way way too much money. Without being a c*** here. Wan was 40'ish , fat and IMHO on her last knockings as a beer bar girl. She'd hit the jackpot big time with him.

Turns out she had 3 kids in the jungle and my mate was sending................Wait for it..........£1000 a month to support them.:ohmy:

On top of that he was letting her work up the Thai resturant full time and keep her money which must have been another £600- £800 a month on top.

If that wasn't enough he was taking her up the Thai food shop and treating her to anything she wanted. She had so much Thai food (which is expensive here) that she was giving it away and chucking it out.

Add the fact he was treating her to clothes, tickets back home and generally spoiling her rotten I was shocked to her my ex say he was kineow.

I said 'How can he be kineow when she gets all that from him every month?'

Answer..........Well, David takes home £4500 but only gives her £1000.

I was stunned.

End result. They split after a load of grief. She tried to get paid out of his house and the court finally awarded her £10,000.

She blew the lot when she went home and now lives in her mates spare room. Does she regret it?

Nope.

There are just some of the things you're dealing with.

I'm not saying don't do it because I would be a hippocrite. I love TG's to bits and would marry another one no problem.

Only learn as much as you can about Thai culture first. Nobody is an expert as everyones different and there are some happy endings out there.

Good luck anyway.

Just a few questions.....

How many times have you been to Thailand ?
Where did you meet you GF ?
Can you read, write and speak Thai ?
Are you on the same social status ?
Does she have children ?
What are your shared interests ?
What is the age difference ?

I'm not going to disagree with Mirkwood but he is basing his reply on a bargirl or monetary relationship , if that is your case then you're a fucking mug and run a mile if it isn't a case of girl wishing to better herself financially by being involved with you than answer my questions to yourself and go on from there.

My ex wife was a teacher in Bangkok and we stayed in England over 5 years so I'm probably not a bad bet for advice.

.

Bollocks you cunt she flogged her box in Happy agogo, I'd rather get medical advice from Harold Shipman than marriage advice from you.

Milky, your talking bollocks saying sinsot will cost the original poster, not always the case by any means. If you marry a girl from a middle class family then in many cases the sinsot will just be for show and will be returned after the wedding. The only people paying sinsot for ex bar girls will be clueless farangs getting striped. Just for the record i was'nt asked for ane nor did i pay a single satang in sinsot when i married.↲
Simie

some good posts here......interesting thread.....

And no, I am most definitely NOT thinking about it!!!

Bollocks you cunt she flogged her box in Happy agogo

Yes she did that as well. :eather:

No seriously. She was a teacher in Bangkok for 6 years before her dabble with Go Go's.

She was one of only girls I've met in Pattaya with degree, car and new house.
Must have been doing something right.

Milky, not being funny but what a girl did before they became a bar girl is far less relavent than what they do and how they conduct themselves when they give it up. The point is you cannot undo being a bar girl but you can move on from there. ↲
Simie.

And no, I am most definitely NOT thinking about it!!!

Maybe not, but its only Thursday....:piano:

My girl is different (I might regret this saying one day):flex:


Cos she used to be a bloke? :hammertime:

What is mrs fig working whith,, you probably posted it but i have missed it.

Cos she used to be a bloke? :hammertime:


Oppps a bit hard on the old boy ,,,,,,,

he didnt invite you to his last barbecue ??

Milky, not being funny but what a girl did before they became a bar girl is far less relavent than what they do and how they conduct themselves when they give it up. The point is you cannot undo being a bar girl but you can move on from there. ↲
Simie.

This raises an interesting point, ... well for me anyway ,......does becoming a bar or gogo girl override any previous lifestyle a girl may have had , such that 6 years as a teacher and whatever before that becomes corrupted and undone ? Does the lifestyle of a bargirl almost completely erode any semblance of the " good " girl that may have been present before she arrived in bar world ?

I imagine time would be a factor . I see it now as kind of like being a drug addict. I know several people who were lovely, harmless, do anything to help you kind of people, but introduced to drugs and taking a liking to it changed them for the worst. They became untrustworthy lying thieves who would sell their mother for a shot. But given the desire to stop using and some rehab, have returned pretty much to being responsible productive members of society.....Thats a strong desire and a lot of time and rehab.

Maybe there should be a rehab for bargirls.:stretcher:

Sorry to the OP for going slightly off topic .:blink:

2. Other TG's in your own country.

The number 2 biggest cause of trouble in your marriage will be other Thai's.
God knows why. You'd think they would all be nice to each other in the falang country but they aren't.

First question they will ask each other when they meet. ' How much does he give you'.

Your Missus might say this much and the other girl will always lie and say she gets more.
Result........Your missus will get twisted up and the other girl will be giving her bloke a hard time as well if she's getting less. :rantonoff:

They are bastards.

This competition thing I've seen in all TG's. Rich and poor. Of course I see the poor in Pattaya but I also see the richest TG's as well in Zurich. The above two things are killers for a relationship.

TG's have a do or die attitude as well. They live for today and do have the guts to walk away and start again. I've not met many that have had the sense to know they are on a good thing. So so many kill the golden goose. You only have to read the boards to understand Thai mentality.

How many girls go weeks without a customer then next bloke who wants to take them gets hit with double price. Same with hotels same with everything in LOS.



this i totally agree with its been the source of many tears from the missus most of em are shit

This raises an interesting point, ... well for me anyway ,......does becoming a bar or gogo girl override any previous lifestyle a girl may have had , such that 6 years as a teacher and whatever before that becomes corrupted and undone ? Does the lifestyle of a bargirl almost completely erode any semblance of the " good " girl that may have been present before she arrived in bar world ?

I imagine time would be a factor . I see it now as kind of like being a drug addict. I know several people who were lovely, harmless, do anything to help you kind of people, but introduced to drugs and taking a liking to it changed them for the worst. They became untrustworthy lying thieves who would sell their mother for a shot. But given the desire to stop using and some rehab, have returned pretty much to being responsible productive members of society.....Thats a strong desire and a lot of time and rehab.

Maybe there should be a rehab for bargirls.:stretcher:

Sorry to the OP for going slightly off topic .:blink:

Yusamile, I think it depends on the girl, they all change/harden to one extent or another but depending on the person inside the extent of it (and if they are irrevocably damaged) varies. In my personal experience you may find some that can change for the better even after being in the bar for 2 or 3 years. Whilst others have turned into hardcore whores after 5 or 6 weeks.
But this is rather off topic from what the original poster was asking. In his case I think if he is living in Thailand and has met a middle class girl with zero connection to the nightlife industry then he stands more of a chance than if he's chasing a hardcore whore he just met in Nanaplaza. But people still need to keep their wits about them and be aware of potential pitfalls. And obviously not leave their brain at swampy as so many people seem to?!
Simie.

I think a period living together before tying the knot is sound policy.
Other than that, don't listen too closely to either naysayers or starry eyed optimists. Every relationship is different, unique in it's own way. Some work out, some don't.
I've lived here four years, an know some very succesful marriages- including to ex-BG's. Have seen the opposite too. But you could say the same about marriage to a farang girl.

Good topic,I thought id make a contribution
I have been married to a Thai girl for over 12 years,I am 37 years old,she is four years younger than me I am still married to her but I have been separated from her for 1 year,I did not meet her in Thailand I met her in Darling Harbour in Sydney sitting down eating lunch opposite her.She is a good girl,even though the relationship and marrige didnt workout I could still talk to her tommorrow but I dont have her new number,she left me for a man that earns more money than me,I hope she is more happy now,I didnt have any children with her either
I have just returned from Pattaya 2 days ago,I myself think that Thai ladys are the most beautiful women in the world by far,I dont date farang women I hate them,they stink are rude and fat.
For the first few days when I was in Patts I butterflied around and tried a few different girls,I found a girl that I really like,but from my past experience I will be very wary and tread lightly this time,Ive only known her now for 3 weeks,I gave her my number before I left because I want to keep in touch with her and build a relationship over the coming years
I hope this info has helped but be wary,think with your brain first before your dick If you are considering marrige I hope It works out for you
cheers Rod

Mrs Grazel and I have been married now for over 2.5 years and so far it has been all good. We have had to jump through a few hoops re visas etc, but that is all behind us now. She works in a Singapore style restaurant as a waitress and enjoys it. It also keeps us apart during many hours in the day, so we look forward to the time we have together. She has access to Lao food ingredients and also eats most English grub if she is hungry.

She sends her own money back, and I pay for the bills etc. Doesnt cost me much and she really loves the UK. She is not a complex person and sees life in black n white terms which in some resepects is very refreshing. We go back to Thailand twice per year which gives me a holiday and her a chance to see the family.

All in all, everything is rosie.

I have been with Djaer 14 years now 12 married ....she is a Diamond ...a great wife, mother and friend......Works hard and is smart although not educated ...she turns a reasonable blind eye to my Mia Nois two wheeled and 2 legged as they arnot a threat to her position One mia Noi has been around for 6 years , strange but Djaer actually sees it as me being loyal to someone else who is part of my family group ...I am not saying she likes it but she sees it as a confirmation of my commitment to people I care about and that actually makes he feel more secure.

Hi Hawk,
I'm not going to give you a clever one line negative answer like most will do when people ask this question.

Right. Thai's and marriage.

My ex wife was a teacher in Bangkok and we stayed in England over 5 years so I'm probably not a bad bet for advice.

It's difficult writing about all those years in a few hundred words but here goes.

Thai ladies in Thailand are lovely.
It's very old fashioned. With no social security and government help ladies still need men. Most of them want a falang because of money. Simple.
It's not all one way either. For your money you get a sexy lady who wouldn't look at you in your own country. So I think it's a fair pay off.

There are more than a few snags with Thai/falang relationships mainly because both parties don't know how to play by the rules.

The following is only IMHO. Don't take it to heart. Just read and decide whats relevant to you.

Before you choose a lady to settle down with.......

1. Look at her family.

You might have found the best looking, best fuck, English speaking and clever girl in the whole of Thailand but............

Do not go any further until you have met her family.

Now lets not be silly here. Most girls us lot meet have poor families. What I'd call a good family only expect you to bung them a bit now and then. Yes, if you get married you're going to get kicked up the goolies with sinsot (dowry). We know and don't like that but it's reality.

You're not going to get away with paying f*** all but what I'd say is a decent Thai family/girl won't hit you too hard or often.

The clever girls learn not to go in strong and unless you've lived with or known your girl very well for a few years and let her get her feet under your table you won't know what you're dealing with.

A bad family will ruin your relationship. Simple. 100%.

People blame the girls for everything when they split up but from my experience 99.99999% of the time it will be family related.

As an example. My Thai wife was fairly happy in UK.
We had a nice house, new cars, good jobs and a son.
OK, she's not typical and everyones different but one day her family started on the jungle drums. Her sister and cousin had married Swiss men and were sending home loads of money buying land etc.

The wife started getting all discontented and next thing she's on about going to work in Zurich. To cut a long story short we split.
I am best friends with her now and we still go on holiday together for the sake of our boy. She's told me loads of times she was happy but she has a poor family behind her.

That's what I'm on about.

I met another girl a few years on. (Rose).
Got on fantastic. Probably my best ever relationship with TG. Non stop laugh ,sex and happy times. Loads of people knew us on here who I hope would back that up. Anyway, same story. One day the mum said ' David money not enough' and that was that.

Loads of tears from her but she did what was required and is now with some old fella who's paying out loads of dough.

Your girl doesn't sound like part of the P4P scene but again IMHO I wouldn't start thinking she's different unless her family are able to stand on their own feet. If that is the case you might have hit the jackpot.

2. Other TG's in your own country.

The number 2 biggest cause of trouble in your marriage will be other Thai's.
God knows why. You'd think they would all be nice to each other in the falang country but they aren't.

First question they will ask each other when they meet. ' How much does he give you'.

Your Missus might say this much and the other girl will always lie and say she gets more.
Result........Your missus will get twisted up and the other girl will be giving her bloke a hard time as well if she's getting less. :rantonoff:

They are bastards.

This competition thing I've seen in all TG's. Rich and poor. Of course I see the poor in Pattaya but I also see the richest TG's as well in Zurich. The above two things are killers for a relationship.

TG's have a do or die attitude as well. They live for today and do have the guts to walk away and start again. I've not met many that have had the sense to know they are on a good thing. So so many kill the golden goose. You only have to read the boards to understand Thai mentality.

How many girls go weeks without a customer then next bloke who wants to take them gets hit with double price. Same with hotels same with everything in LOS.

3. Money.

The root of all evil.
Even if you have dough your not safe. Loads of times I always thought that if I'd had more money I could have been happy with both my ex's. WRONG.

I'll give you an example. It's a true story.

I've got a mate who doesn't go on message boards.

He's about mid 50's. Fat and not terribly good looking but he's a nice fella with a heart of gold.

He got divorced from his English wife, split the house etc and still came away with a few quid. Bought himself a cracking house in a posh area near me.

Anyway, he starts going to LOS and within 2 trips he's met a girl and wants to marry her.

He paid a visa agent and got her back here, married her and thought he was sorted for life.

We went round to meet them and my Thai wife got on well with her. You know, sit on the floor eating hot grub etc.

Anyway, I was shocked to hear after only a year or so they were having serious problems in their relationship.

I asked Add (my ex wife) what was the matter?

She told me.

David (my mate) earns £4500 take home a month.

I said 'Yeah'.

Well Wan (his missus) thinks he's kineow.

Now I knew that Dave was bunging her way way too much money. Without being a c*** here. Wan was 40'ish , fat and IMHO on her last knockings as a beer bar girl. She'd hit the jackpot big time with him.

Turns out she had 3 kids in the jungle and my mate was sending................Wait for it..........£1000 a month to support them.:ohmy:

On top of that he was letting her work up the Thai resturant full time and keep her money which must have been another £600- £800 a month on top.

If that wasn't enough he was taking her up the Thai food shop and treating her to anything she wanted. She had so much Thai food (which is expensive here) that she was giving it away and chucking it out.

Add the fact he was treating her to clothes, tickets back home and generally spoiling her rotten I was shocked to her my ex say he was kineow.

I said 'How can he be kineow when she gets all that from him every month?'

Answer..........Well, David takes home £4500 but only gives her £1000.

I was stunned.

End result. They split after a load of grief. She tried to get paid out of his house and the court finally awarded her £10,000.

She blew the lot when she went home and now lives in her mates spare room. Does she regret it?

Nope.

There are just some of the things you're dealing with.

I'm not saying don't do it because I would be a hippocrite. I love TG's to bits and would marry another one no problem.

Only learn as much as you can about Thai culture first. Nobody is an expert as everyones different and there are some happy endings out there.

Good luck anyway.

One of the best posts I have ever read on any board, terrific input thanks

Yeah check out the family of the girl as well, some family members can be big trouble.

Did you read Money number one.

Man I gotta say marriage if you are NOT CAREFUL can be the pits. Does not matter which race your girl is.

I am 29 was married a few years to a hot young caucasian girl. We married for love but I was 24 she was 17 and well bitch was young dumb and crazy.

Anyways the point is theres many gems in this world. and just as many gold diggen money grubbin bitches who just see ATM stamped across your forehead. So if shes honestly a great catch and really likes you, then sure go for it. But if they just wanna have you stick your personal credit card in their pungtang and have dollar bills shoot out. Well I say best to just fuck em good, fuck em hard, then put em in your rearview mirror :).

GL to ya!

Not Amercan but I have been married to a Thai girl for 14 years ish. Not ever a bar girl. She worked in admin at a US owned electronics company.
In fact she is not a Thai now but British and her Thai passport is out of date. She says she isnt Thai but English !!
My advice to anyone considering a cross cultural relatinship is the same.
Make sure you know the girl properly and make sure she knows you. You have to talk. If thats difficult its not the time.
I was lucky my wife had great English but even then there is issues of cultural expectations.

The first month was heaven the next two difficult but when she got a job and started to understand the Uk she just went from strength to strength.

I would have more trouble marrying an American.

Cant stand eating with the fork in the right hand its disgusting.

Dont worry about books. They are not a useful source for basing your behaviour on.

A bit like the Koran and the Bible.
If we all followed them the streets would be running in blood.

Man I gotta say marriage if you are NOT CAREFUL can be the pits. Does not matter which race your girl is.

I am 29 was married a few years to a hot young caucasian girl. We married for love but I was 24 she was 17 and well bitch was young dumb and crazy.

Anyways the point is theres many gems in this world. and just as many gold diggen money grubbin bitches who just see ATM stamped across your forehead. So if shes honestly a great catch and really likes you, then sure go for it. But if they just wanna have you stick your personal credit card in their pungtang and have dollar bills shoot out. Well I say best to just fuck em good, fuck em hard, then put em in your rearview mirror :).

GL to ya!

Race has nothing to do with it. We are talking about culture.

It realy neesd to be clear.